English from around the world

I have just received this in an email and have laughed so much. I don't know if they are really real...but they are so funny!!

English around the world..........

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.
If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastary:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush
we will execute customers in strict rotation.


In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
porter.


In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.


In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
afternoon having a good time.


Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner
if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them
in all directions.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have
children in the bar.


In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water
served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find
they are best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in
your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot
heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first,
but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.